Here it is: this week’s article on Malibu Quietude. Hope you enjoy it. Share your thoughts and love! ❤️
How to Mend a Broken Heart
Today’s entry is about mending a broken heart. But I am tempted to call it “How not to mend a broken heart,” and I hope that by time you’re done reading, you will know why.
What do you do if you see a child crying, and want to make her feel better? Do you tell her to stop crying because whatever is upsetting her isn’t worth it? Do you tell her to grow up and stop being so dramatic? Do you tell her that life is pain, and that she should learn to get used to it?
Of course not. If you really want her to feel better, the only thing you can do is hold her in your arms and let her cry. Simply being there with loving presence is all she needs to heal. She needs to be embraced. She needs to be allowed to cry, in the space of your unconditional love.
When we are experiencing our own grief, our approach to healing should be the same. There is nothing we can do but embrace our sadness with presence and love. We cannot rush our tears. We must allow our heart the time it needs to mend all by itself. Much like a cut on our skin, the heart is self-healing. But we have to find the strength and patience to let to heal. When we grow impatient, and try to intervene, we get in the way of our natural healing.
The heart heals through expression. Tears are the key to our convalescence. Sobbing and screaming are nature’s remedies. It might not be “pretty,” but the tried and true cure for grief is to grieve. The only way past our sadness is to be sad. A broken heart will heal all on its own, if only we can learn how to let it.
Learning to make space for our pain is a process that spans a lifetime. No one taught us to be present for our tears, so we must learn to be present on our own.
It begins with recognizing that every movement of our body is sacred. Our sadness is sacred. Our tears are drops of the Divine. Everything we feel comes from a higher Source. What else can we do but allow our body to be as it Is, to honor the present moment?
Rather than using meditation as a means to control your thoughts and feelings, try using it as a means to allow them. When painful energies flow through your presence, resist the urge to resist them. Stay with them for a moment. Make space for your sadness: even your broken heart is sacred. Even your tears descend from heaven.
As you make space for the powerful movements of grief, pay attention to this “space” in which your feelings are held. Notice how your presence isn’t broken, even when your heart is. Your presence is whole and untouched by the throes of sadness, or the daggers of despair. Your presence is a refuge, where everything is held without judgment.
Realize, for a moment, that the child within you has always been embraced. There has always been a space of unconditional love, where your sadness and grief is welcomed without shame.
As you fall deeper into this presence, feel how infinite and formless it is, like you could fit the Universe in your “arms.” There is more than enough room for your broken heart. Along with your anxiety, and your anger, and your passion, and your love. Your presence can hold it all. You don’t have to force it. You don’t have to control it. All you have to do is be there for your pain. Your body will do the rest. Your heart will heal on its own.